Powder Mountain, Utah
Hellooooo, you precious pearl,
Years ago, someone I loved was struggling deeply.
They saw themselves as a victim of the world.
Life was happening to them.
Everything felt unfair.
Anger was their steady companion.
And every time I was with them, I made myself smaller.
I downplayed my joy — even though I was in one of the best seasons of my life.
I searched for tiny inconveniences to talk about so I could “meet them where they were.”
I edited out my wins.
I filtered my excitement.
I muted my sparkle.
I didn’t want to make them feel bad.
Sounds kind, right?
It wasn’t.
One day it hit me — I was unintentionally feeding the very thing that was keeping them stuck.
If I only focused on the negative when I was with them, that’s all they heard.
What if everyone else was doing the same?
What if they were surrounded by people dimming their light to avoid triggering them?
Of course they believed the world was bleak.
That’s all we were reflecting back.
And then came the harder truth.
I was not giving them the dignity of handling their own emotions.
Let me say that again.
I was not giving them the dignity of handling their own emotions.
So much of my life I had walked on eggshells. I believed it was my job to manage the emotional weather of the room. If someone was upset, I adjusted. If someone was angry, I softened. If someone was insecure, I shrank.
Turns out? That is a useless tactic.
Other people’s emotions are just that — their emotions.
There is nothing I can do — or not do — to control, prevent, or manage someone else’s feelings long term. I can influence. I can be compassionate. I can be thoughtful.
But I cannot carry responsibility for another adult’s inner world.
And when I try, I abandon my own.
This doesn’t mean we become careless or cruel. It doesn’t mean we bulldoze people with our joy or ignore their pain.
We can be deeply compassionate.
We can sit with someone in their darkness.
We can listen.
We can love.
But we do not have to dim our light to do it.
In fact, sometimes the most loving thing we can do is shine.
Joy can be confronting to someone committed to suffering.
Hope can be irritating to someone attached to hopelessness.
Light can feel blinding to someone who has grown comfortable in the dark.
But their discomfort is not your wrongdoing.
When we dim ourselves to make others comfortable, we unintentionally affirm their smallness.
When we stay bright, we offer a different possibility.
You can be struggling and still stand next to someone who is thriving.
You can be angry and still be responsible for your anger.
You can be in the dark and still choose whether or not to move toward the light.
That’s dignity.
So here’s your invitation, sparkly pearl:
Where are you shrinking so someone else doesn’t have to stretch?
Where are you muting your joy so someone else doesn’t have to confront their pain?
Where are you walking on eggshells out of habit rather than love?
Shine anyway.
Not arrogantly.
Not aggressively.
But unapologetically.
The world is brighter when you do.
Shuck with love,
Jessica 💜
READY TO PRACTICE SHINING?
If reading this made you realize just how often you shrink yourself, I created something simple (and wildly powerful) for you.
SHINE YOUR PEARL is my 30 day journey designed to help you stop dimming and start shining — from the inside out.
For just $9, you’ll get practical tools, mindset shifts, and loving nudges in a daily e-mail for 30 days to help you:
- Speak more honestly
- Set healthier boundaries
- Stop managing everyone else’s emotions
- And shine without apology
It’s small. It’s mighty. And it just might change the way you show up in every room you walk into.
Come shine with us. You can sign up here:
GREECE IN SEPTEMBER!!!
If you’re ready to practice shining in real time… let’s take it to Greece.
This September, I’m hosting a transformational retreat in Greece. We’ll explore breathtaking landscapes, deep conversations, soul-expanding experiences, and what it truly means to live fully expressed.
Imagine practicing not dimming your light while dining by the sea.
This isn’t just a trip.
It’s a reclamation.
It’s community.
It’s expansion.
If something in you just whispered yes — listen to that.
Here are the details: